One of the things I feel most guilty about is the fact that the Monsters don’t have a daddy and the sad tragic fact, that no matter how much I explain it to my kids, they really have no concept of what a “daddy” is. They just think it is a man who is around often and/or does things for and with them. For example, 5 year old Destructo asked me the other day if my mom’s husband was his daddy.
Since I can’t stand that man, I said HAM -TO-THE- NO.
It was and still is a firm belief of mine, that boys need a consistent male figure in their life, and the best person to fill that role is of course his father. So much so, that when I decided to adopt from foster care as a single mother, I was very adamant that I only wanted to foster and adopt girls. I turned down several boy placements before I decided that it was O.K. to foster boys, but not adopt them.
Well since God has an incredible sense of humor, out of the six kids that I was a foster parent to, I only fostered 1 GIRL and I ended up adopting boys instead. Sometimes I think that God has played a cruel joke on me (Ok I’m
half joking, I’m joking). I often wonder if I missed God when he told me to adopt them. Simply because I frequently feel incapable of meeting their demanding needs. I often wonder if I would see a drastic improvement in their behavior if I was married and they had a daddy here with them everyday.
But since having a daddy is not our reality, I have tried to make sure they have a consistent male role model in the life. Over the years, I tried to enlist the assistance of males at my church, but for one reason or another they would commit with their mouths, but not with their actions. But recently God has blessed my boys with some awesome surrogate fathers.
A good friend of mine has took it upon himself to mentor my boys. Since Boogy was asked to leave school, this friend comes and gets him just about every weekday. This particular friend is a local Christian DJ and radio personality and he takes the boys to the radio station and to Christian concerts and events with him, along with his two sons. Boogy looks forward to it everyday and I truly appreciate the fact that this friend would invest so much time into my sons. He has even volunteered to get the boys a few hours every weekday during the summer, and since I appreciate any help I can get, I wholeheartedly agreed to let him take them..LOL
Mr Incredible also spends time with the boys when he can. Like I mentioned in my last post, although he isn’t there everyday, he has been the most consistent male in their life since the boys came home. The kiddos love their “Uncle Incredible.” They ask about him almost on a daily basis.
Funny story: Mr Incredible took me and the boys out for my birthday in December of last year and Destructo (You just have to love that kid), asked Mr. Incredible if he wanted to be his dad? Destructo persisted and insisted and Mr Incredible and I just stared out the window trying to get over the awkwardness of the situation.
I often tease with Mr. Incredible about becoming the children’s legal father, saying to him, “You know we don’t have to be married for you to adopt them right?” LOL. I wasn’t playing I was dead serious, but he just smiles and laughs it off. Maybe one day he will be? lol O.K. I’m reaching, but a girl can hope can’t she?
So single mothers (especially you solo moms), do you go out of your way to make sure your child (especially your sons) has a male role model or father figure in his/her life?
If you do, do you think it makes a more positive difference than kids who do not have consistent male role models? Why or why not?